Awkward Moments, Buses and Dreams...

MONDAY

Went to school. Nothing exciting.

Mum made my brother come and pick me up after my Italian Conversation Classes. On the phone she explained that her blood pressure moniter "makes it difficult to drive". Imagining some huge contraption attached to her arms or some intravenous drip, I come home to realise that it is simply a small belt that she wears around her waist.

No idea why she has high blood pressure. She is a stay-at-home mum with grown up children; a housewife who does no housework. Go figure.

TUESDAY

Slept in, didn't have time for a shower. Washed my hair in the sink.

Went to school late. No one noticed.

Quote from my crazy English teacher, instructing someone to put some paperwork in her pidgeon hole:

"Yeah, when you're done just shove in my P-hole. Thanks".

WEDNESDAY

Finished school early, went to get lunch with L.G. On the same day, M.B finally got her first car and was able to drive and meet us, which was very exciting. Spoke about lots of things which were clearly overheard by the two people from my school sitting behind us. Awkward.

Was sitting at the desk at work, using mobile FaceBook, when a parent wandered behind me and stood there looking over my shoulder and asked "what are you playing?". Outraged on the inside only, I casually mumbled "Oh it's just facebook..." to which she nodded and then continued to read over my shoulder.

THURSDAY

Okay now I am not sure if this is just something I do, or whether everyone secretly does it and just never admits to it. But whenever I am walking the dogs or walking home from school or walking around the streets by myself and there is no one around, I will most likely be listening to my iPod too and will occasionally hum along. Okay, not just occasionally... pretty much all the time. And okay, not just a quiet hum or an NG-siren... I often sing aloud.

So on Thursday afternoon I was doing the usual walk home/belting session. No one was around but me and the trees. I was seriously singing this song as if I was auditioning for the 24th season of Australian Idol. Suddenly, I heard very fast footsteps coming up behind me as a woman going for a job quickly approached. Stopping in the middle of a big money-note, I continued walking as if it wasn't me making that noise. As she ran past me however, she slowed down and said:

"Oh don't stop singing, you have a lovely voice! It sounded great - keep going!!!"

Needless to say I felt so humiliated and embarrassed that I couldnt even speak. She didn't turn around to look at me as she kept running, which was good because by that stage I had literally taken cover, hiding behind a tree in shame.

I'm not going to tell you what song I was singing... that's probabnly the most embarrassing part.

I wanted to crawl into a hole and die!

However the second part of my evening made me wish I was dead even more, for very different reasons...

Once again, felt obliged to go and see another amateur musical theatre production. This time, it was literally one of the WORST things i have EVER seen, and I have seen a lot of terrible shows. It was absolutely painful and i want that three hours of my life back. Yep, that's right - three fucking hours. It was the longest show I've ever seen.

The cast paused every time a joke was made to make room for laughs. There were none.

Other times, the audience burst out laughing at times when clearly they weren't supposed to. For example, whenever the obese and morbidly homosexual cretin slinked onto the stage and stared up into the bright lights as if people had been waiting to see him, belting out a flat note.

The spotlights used were so small that they only covered the faces of the performers. It looked like there were heads floating around the stage.

Note: when a character sits down at the piano and starts playing it, actor SHOULD NOT rest their hands on the top of the piano half-way through the first verse.

FRIDAY

Buses running through red lights this week: 4

Had my singing recital today. Walked onto the stage with my pianist and about 40,000 pages of sheet music to read from. They all got mixed up and I ended up skipping from the start of the song to the end, to the middle, to the start, etc. Thankfully my pianist is a genius so was able to follow me.

In between songs, I went to take a gulp of water from the bottle I had brought on stage. When screwing the lid back on, my fingers slipped and I dropped the lid, which bounced and rolled away as I tried to chase it. On stage. In front of an audience.

SATURDAY

Did literally one the THE most awkward things I have EVER done in my entire life.

I had a casting session with my agent and a leading Casting Director. I had just walked in from the bathroom when my agent said "Go on, introduce yourself to Meagan".

In my nervousness, I hurriedly walked up to her, offering my handshake as I said:

"Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Meagan!"

Not only did I call myself her name, I hadn't dried my hands properly. I gave her a wet handshake, too.

How I manage to do these things, no one will ever know.

At least she'll remember me...?

SUNDAY

Woke up from a shocking dream. I was sitting my English Exam and after having written only one out of three essays, I got distracted by something out the window and then spent the next two hours in a daydream. Time was up and I didn't even finish the first section.

I then had another dream in which I was a new employee at Donut King and had no idea what I was doing. This one wasn't quite as scary, but still made me feel uncomfortable.

This dream was followed by another about a bunch of people dismembered and hung from trees in a forest by a serial killer with no legs. I was being chased by some man who was running on his arms at an incredible speed.

The English Exam dream was still the scariest.

Sunday was also Fathers' Day. Gave my dad his DVD, which i had bought the night before at 5:30pm when I ran around a closed and empty shopping centre, looking for somewhere that was open. Woops.

Got about three hours of driving practise. Almost died at least twice.

I also realised a disgusting figure. My very limited diet mainly consists of cheeseburgers. Sadly, I had an especially large amount over the past 7 days and I am genuinely ashamed to reveal the total figure to you.

Total number of burgers eaten this week: 10

That’s 10 burgers in 6 days. Something needs to be done about this.

I wonder what next week will bring??