My apologies to the four people who read this blog. I have recently not had any motivation to update it since the last week. Even though it has been such a long time, I will do my best to tell you the best/worst/most interesting bits...

MONDAY

Just another day! Except it was worse than any other day seeing as it was a Monday.

Decided this week that I wasn't going to spend any money on food/crap. I need to money for actual important things (such as going out/drinking/my phone bill) and I decided that I shouldn't keep spending all of it on McDonalds after school.

First day of my new budget went well. Was severely tempted to spend money after school on food with friends. Was very glad that I left all my money and my bank card at home before I left. This is the only way I can not spend my money.

When I am in possession of my bank card, regardless of how little money is actually in the bank, I feel that it is my ticket to freedom and I can do whatever I want with it, as if it has an endless supply of money. It does not. This fact has slapped me in the face on several occasions, every one of them at a McDonalds chainstore, when I order my usual of multiple cheeseburgers and my card is declined.

I just remembered the time when I got cash out at a McDonalds register. I had spare change with me but not quite enough for what I wanted. At the same time I had less than a dollar in my bank account so asked the poor teenage girl at the register this:

"Do you have a minimum amount for Cash-Out? No? Okay, awesome. Could I please have 70 cents please. Yep, 70 cents please. Thanks."

TUESDAY

Faced up to the fact that my Media Folio, which is supposed to include the past 6 months' work in it, was due this coming Friday. I had done less than a quarter of it.

Tuesday mainly consisted of me owning up to the fact that i NEEDED to do some of it soon.

The actual doing part didn't come until several days later.

I take things one day at a time.

WEDNESDAY

Today was supposedly the most difficult day of my VCE life. In the one day, I had three SACS. This is something I had only heard about in myths. Alas, it was happening to me and despite the stress and high blood pressure that would have accompanied this day for most people, I did not study.

Had a major LOL at my friend, CookieDough. On his way to school to make it for our Media Outcome, the tram that he was on broke down. Tried to sound sympathetic on the phone as he explained that he would miss the first half of the assessment. I started the assessment with a smirk on my face. When he arrived I laughed out-loud at his red, puffed up face and his wind-swept hair. For some reason, when CookieDough is stressed out, he is the most hilarious person in the world.

During lunch laughed at CookieDough the whole time as I watched him have a break-down over VCE. All of the stress that everyone else had been experiencing all year had hit him in the span of three days. Hilarious.

This stress still hasn't hit me, and I'm dreading the day it does.

Had an English SAC. Totally bullshat my way through an imaginative story, trying to replicate one that I had written as practice. Totally fucked it up when i re-read it and realised that i had left out THE POINT OF THE STORY. Had to literally scribble in some of the most important parts in between lines and on the sides of pages.

Went to work and dreaded the fact that tomorrow was going to be the last day before my Media folio was due. That night my work consisted of writing a list of the things i had to do for the folio, as opposed to actually doing any of it.

Went to bed hating the fact that I needed to get up at 6:00am in order to go to the dreaded Rock Eisteddfod.

THURSDAY

Woke up and wanted to die right then and there, just so I could stay in bed.

Was awake way too early for something that was completely unnecessary. I was not actually a part of the Rock Eisteddfod - I think I would rather die. But seeing as one of my friends had literally created and choreographed it I thought it would be good to go alone for the day. That and also the fact that all my other friends were involved and I didn't want to be at school all on my lonesome.

So I went with absolutely nothing to do. I had no need to be there and was doing nothing important. Literally just sat around for 12 hours.

The best part of the day though was witnessing CookieDough literally experience death by folio. He had slept two hours the night before because he was up doing his folio and spent the entire day sitting in the corner, cutting and pasting. It was hilarious.

Watched Weeds for the first time. Loved it. Realised once again the negative influence television has over its audience when i literally was desperate for some marijuana just from the way it is represented in this show.

Had to listen as one of my male friends explained to me the reasons why our other male friend is one of the most amazing looking creatures on this planet. Listened as he discussed his perfect features and unsuccessfully hid an erection, all the while saying "but I'm straight!"

Was sitting with my friend watching Weeds on his laptop when an old man, about 70, walked past. He said to us, "Oh, got the good old porno up on the laptop, do we boys?", with a sly grin on his face.

"Um, no!" we both replied, slightly repulsed.

He then said "Ah well, let me know when you do!", winked, then walked away.

The thought of sitting watching porn with a friend makes me feel ill, let alone in a public place with hundreds of people around. To add an elderly man to this equation is HEINOUS.

Was also disgusted at the over-priced food at the canteen of Hisense Arena. It literally cost $8.75 for a small packet of maltesers. I literally cried out for humanity.

Discovered a large, concerning mass growing on the side of my neck. This could be troublesome.

Witnessed a secret game of Gay Chicken in the toilets. Yeah, that's a totally normal thing to do with your friends!

Watched the performance of the Rock Eisteddfod and was amazed. Possibly would go through the long and pointless day just to see it again.

FRIDAY

Tragically, I couldn't sleep in that morning as I had to get up early and start working on my folio before I went to school.

I really think that one folio in one day has got to be some kind of record.

Finally got to the printing stage. Some of my pages needed to be printed on colour paper, while others needed to be on white. Because I was short on time, I wanted to print them all out in one go so I counted all of the pages and ordered them according to what colour I wanted them. Unexpectedly, although ever so predictably, I had one measly page out of order, which meant all my photos were printed onto green paper. Awesome.

Eventually got to school with all my work printed out, only to be cut and pasted into the folder. Went to an assembly just so I could listen to a legend guest speaker.

Felt really sorry for myself having had little sleep and having done lots of work. That was until I saw CookieDough, who had not slept since TUESDAY NIGHT and had literally done over three times the amount of work as me.

Meanwhile, my media teacher told me that he had marked the assessments we did on Wednesday and he described mine as "one of the best papers I have ever read". I seriously doubted myself when I wrote that the Frankfurt school had invented the Agenda Setting Function Theory but apparently I was totes right?

Didn't attend a single class the whole day and instead spent the whole time in the library, cutting and pasting. I spent the whole time standing up over a table with all my work spread across it, slicing with a guillotine strips of cardboard and paper. I had been bending over the table for so long that after a while my nose started dripping onto my work. It may have been spinal fluid. My back was also aching from leaning over for hours on end and I decided that I needed one of those harnesses that sheep shearers have to hold them up.

EVENTUALLY, completed my folio!!!! Literally took me until 4:00pm, but I knew my teacher was still at school.

Amongst all of this I had literally forgotten that it was the last day of school. When I knocked on the staffroom door to hand my folio to my teacher, the noise was so loud I couldn't believe it. Thousands of teachers were clearly partying it up in the staffroom for the end-of-term celebrations. When my teacher opened the door, the smell of beer and wine wafted into my face, as i got a sneak peek into the seedy world of teachers behind closed doors. Was offered to come in and say hello (as a joke, i think), and told him that I would probably rather die.

Was suddenly so pleased that I had finished it and that it was the last day of term!! Went to get food with CookieDough and the RSVP-regular to celebrate the end of term.

I was pleased with myself that I hadn't spent any of my money all week and so thought it would be okay to celebrate ;)

Suddenly realised, on the way to eat, that I had not eaten FOR OVER 24 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ate chocolate at the Rock Eisteddfod and then had been so busy doing my folio that I literally skipped about 7 meals.

The wait for my burger to cook was especially long but when it arrived, my god, it was the equivalent of about 4 full-body orgasms, all concentrated in my mouth.

SATURDAY

Was finally able to sleep in properly. Was very much looking forward to one of my oldest friends 18th birthdays. She lives just around the corner from my house and I had lots of vodka left over from my last party, so i was very excited. Being able to walk home at whatever time I want in whatever state I want is pretty damn good.

However, I had not gotten her a present! Went to the good old G-borough with Mother Dearest. Looked in every feminine-looking shop I could find but still could see nothing that I wanted to get her. Eventually got her a voucher for a manicure in which they also shave and file your lower arms or something. The prices some people pay for strangers to buff their dead and hardened skin just baffles me sometimes.

On a spur-of-the-moment decision, organised to go and see Once We Lived Here again, this time with another friend of mine who I knew would like it. Had a lovely time with her getting lunch before the show and seeing it all over again. Amazing!

On the way home in her car, we saw a little dog running through heavy traffic in the rain. Worried and wanting to be good citizens, we stopped the car and tried to rescue it. Upon getting out of the car, I ran towards it, screaming and waving my arms in the air, trying to get its attention. I got its attention, alright. When it saw me it clearly crapped its pants and bolted in the opposite direction. Woops.

Went to the party! Had a fun time catching up with friends and drinking and dancing. Totally spent about 45 minutes sitting in the lounge room with her extended family, namely Peter, her elderly grandfather, chatting and laughing and just being the lift of the party. Literally organised for a Schoolies trip with Grandpa Peter to Creswick, where we can go fishing and even see the windfarms. Eventually told them all that I should probably go and spend time with the B'day girl, rather than with her extended family.

Was very disappointed in Slippers when she spent a good 30 minutes with her face in the toilet bowl. Now I'm not one to judge the vomiter, seeing as this is a famous trait of mine, however 11:30 is way to early to be munting! Poor form.

Poor form was also exhibited by two of my other friends, who wanted to go home at 1:30. I had promised them that I would walk them home, so I had to go halfway around the suburb and then come back to the party, as I was in no mind to go home. I was only just getting started. Had an amazing packet of burger rings on the way home.

Spoke to a friend on the phone. My theory was reaffirmed that people SHOULD NOT MEET OTHER PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET.

On my way back to the partay, I found a balloon with "It's A Girl!" on it. Seeing as my friend is female, I thought it would be totally fitting to bring it back as a secondary gift. Had a bit more fun when I arrived back to the party, but things were dying down. Why do people have such pathetic endurance? When I plan to have a big night, that means I won't sleeping until way after sunrise. Unfortunately, no one else shared this mantra.

At some stage, the B'day girl and Slippers went to bed for the night and I was suddenly left with no one to have fun with.

I was so bored and still really drunk and not even tired.

What I did to alleviate my boredom, however, was a wonderously BAD decision. The ensuing circumstance and experience is so horrendous that I cannot and will not ever write it in a public domain such as this blog.

I have never stooped so low. I would rather shit out my insides into my own mouth than go through what I experienced again. DEATH!!!

SUNDAY

Literally arrived home from the party at 5:45am, when the sun had well and truly risen. Went to bed without a shower and I'm pretty sure my body shut down for the next 12 hours.

Woke up at 4:00pm. Didn't get out of bed until after 6:00. Instead I spent those two hours on the phone to a few friends SCREAMING about the previous night's events.

I had a 3 hour-long shower. Didn't feel much cleaner.

Thankfully, my recovery rate for traumatic experiences is between 30 seconds and 5 minutes, after which I am able to laugh about whatever has happened. If I did not have this characteristic, I probably would not be able to survive. It does not necessarily mean I am not bothered/traumatised by situations but it simply means I am able to see the humour and use this humour in my misfortunes to make other people laugh. Come to think of it, this is mostly what this blog is about!

However, I STILL HAVE NOT FULLY RECOVERED FROM MY HORRENDOUS MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's hope I don't make any life-changing mistakes next week.